I wanted to get this in writing so I can go back and go over what happened tommorrow or a few days from now. I tend to forget specific hands quickly so I'm going to do this tonight. It will be long probably.

First of all I don't have much of a bankroll as I spent it all on furniture here a couple months ago. Tonight I went to play in a holdem cash game with Nick and bought in for $160(my whole bankroll at this point). 1/2 blinds with $25 max bet. These stakes are high for me as I've never played any cash game over $3/$6 at the local casino. All my other cash game experience has been $20-$40 buy ins at home games. I know I was playing over my head as far as my bank roll but I really wanted to see if I could hang at these higher limits at a fairly good skill level.

Anyways, I started out a little timid but that didn't last long as I got some hands pretty quick and didn't have time to be worried. My biggest hand of the night which was pretty early in the night still, I got on the BB and checked it. I flopped Quads, check called $10 on the flop and turn, then bet out $15 on the river which was called after some deliberation. I then won a few hands here and there with continuation bets and value bets that weren't called, made a couple good lay downs on flop/turn. Also won a few smallish pots where I showed the goods after being called on the river. I got myself up to about $220 at one point and was feeling pretty good about my play, getting a good amount of respect from other players. I made one bad fold during this first 2/3 of the time I was there, not calling a bet on the turn with a high flush draw. The pot was giving me about 5-1 odds. I knew this was a mistake instantly. I had won quite a few hands within a short time frame and the thought crossed my mind that I might be getting greedy. I proceeded to fold, and he took down the pot. Bad move. I even got a lucky turn card in another hand when my flopped . I bet and got raised and then I called. Turn came a . The other player told me I was very lucky and after some betting and calling it turned out the other guy flopped the full house with . I had to tip the dealer on this split pot! Not only was I playing well (except for the one bad fold), but things were just going my way.

So I was strolling through the first couple of hours playing very tight agressive and up about $60 or so. I was feeling really good about this, mainly because I was hanging with "the big guns". I only call them big guns in relation to what I've done cash game wise. My style of play fits tourneys better and I enjoy them more so this was a big step as far as cash games.

Then I fell down the mountain. I went card dead and told myself I'd keep it random by playing and opening with a raise with any Ax suited. However, over the next hour or so I got almost nothing to play. I did play in late position/maybe on button with 3 or 4 callers infront of me. Flopped a flush draw and then folded to a bet and raise infront of me. So I limped into maybe 4 pots including this one during this hour and folded after the flop each time. Then it came, my turning point of the night. I got in early position and raised to $8 or maybe $10. Everyone folds to the "loose aggresive" player at the table (including a tight player who said he had AJ in late position--he would have called anyone else if not for my table image). So the loose aggressive raises me to $25 dollars with $5 left in his stack behind that. Everyone at the table has me pegged for a PP, but I knew I wasn't good. This loose player wasn't an idiot, just a loose aggressive player. Why raise the tightest player at the table who hasn't raised in an hour and is doing so from early position? Easy fold right? Well, I talked myself into it. I thought I'd be good if an Ace hit and my cards were suited. Being card dead really contributed to this call along with the hopes of winning this hand and coasting for the rest of the night. I put him all in and he had and it held up. Besides the fact that this was a terrible call, it did a few other things: 1. Hurt my table image (at the time I felt as though I had just destroyed my previous 2-3 hours of hard work) 2. Put me back at just about even, killing my confidence 3. Put me on tilt big time.

I started limping into more pots than usual, hoping to hit a monster (which never came by the way). I then raised from one of the blinds with , all of the previous limpers folded except the loose agressive player from earlier, who called. The flop was x. I bet out $10 and he called. The turn brought a . I bet out $10 and he called. The river was a blank. I bet out $15 hoping it looked like I had quads again and was trying to milk out anything I could get. He called with his and took down the pot with his full house. This was a complete tilt move after he called after the flop, as I had him on J's and didn't see him laying it down. However, I was still trying to use my tight image, although I knew I had kind of blown it as of recent.

Some more limps and a few more post flop folds. I went all in with for $18 or so and ended up getting trips, won that pot. I later called from early position with and hit a flop of . I was heads up with what was probably the best player at the table. I bet and he raised me all in for my last $20 or so. I said something along the lines of "I know I'm beat here, but lets see if I can hit something." I called and he showed his set of 7's.

I really lost my composure and am upset about that, however for much of this night I stuck around and played well, staying with my strategy. I made some downright stupid moves from the hand on, I went on tilt, I lost my entire bankroll, and can't say I remember ever playing as poorly as I did at the end of night tonight. Always more to learn with poker, and this was my learning experience about tilt, I might have tilted on both ends of the spectrum, got a little too high, and then got too low. This was something I needed to learn as I haven't had a lot of experience being on tilt over my first couple years of playing poker.

I beat myself tonight. So I leave dissapointed with myself, but with more knowledge and confidence in my skill level and where I'm at as a player. Yes I can hang at these bigger games, but only if I don't get to high or too low. I need to remember that just because it's PL, not NL, every hand can hurt momentum, mind set, take big chunks of chips stacks. Each and every hand has to take the same consideration and thought process. No hand is less important than the others.

Tonight the snowball got too big for me to stop.