Preface

Since the following is impossible for a human mind to comprehend without an implied linear timeline, I will structure the events as though they took place exclusively within the 4 dimensions you are accustomed to processing. Given these dimensional limitations I am therefore also forced to substitute the Divine Language for this crude written text, as well as portray the gods as having mortal-like interactions.
Sorry. :(

History

Outside of time and space as we know it, on a plane that intersects all dimensions there exists beings responsible for maintaining the natural laws of our universe. All of these laws are divided among great Houses according to category. The different Houses of Responsibility rarely communicate with each other, and are not usually open to outside scrutiny. But one such House, which we will call the House of Quanta, has been the subject of controversy since the Big Bang. Other Houses have accused them of "playing dice with the universe" and "gambling on sub-atomic probability waves." "You're just LAZY!" they would say. "Structure your work like the rest of the gods." "It's too small to matter," Quanta would retort. "Who's going to find out? The monkeys? Let us have our fun." But after the humans started observing this degeneracy, four of the gods were actually "fired" from their positions. This was only the second such termination in the entire history of Houses. But what of a god relieved of his duties? He is reassigned of course, and to a task that better fits his tendency to rebel. The House of Divine Intervention.

A New House

The House of Divine Intervention is the only House that specializes in breaking rules instead of enforcing them. They take their orders from The One and are subject to no other authority. To be more specific, they specialize in altering events that mortals perceive as random and chaotic. This allows their influence to remain hidden from the mortals, as required by The One, while still wielding the power to significantly alter the course of mortal destinies. With a House as large as this one, the workload must be separated into several demi-houses that only work together on occasion. One such demi-house, who's members rarely come out of their pit, is the House of Gambling. Widely regarded as a "bunch of useless hedonists," the House of Gambling's four newly assigned members specialize specifically in controlling the outcome of mortal games of chance when something of value, usually currency of some sort, is wagered. When called upon by The One, they will alter the outcome of the cards, the dice, or whatever mortal device is used in order to move the currency (or pride) into the hands of whomever The One has chosen. But, as there are usually more important mortal affairs to meddle in, the four gamblers are often left alone to decide the fate of players on a whim...providing they don't stray TOO far from the laws of probability"

The Assignment

"Hey Spades," said Clubs with dumb enthusiasm. "How do you get a sweet little old lady to say f*ck"?

"Get another sweet little old lady to yell BINGO," answered Spades before Clubs could finish.

"Damn. OK, a quantum joke then. Why won't Heisenberg's operators live in the suburbs"?

"Who"?

"Because they don't commute! HAHA!".wait, what do you mean who? The human quantum physicist. The Uncertainty Principle?!"

Spades was not impressed. "Human perception of quantum law has never interested me," he said dryly.

Just then Diamonds entered the pit. "Tell another human gambling joke," she said with a smile.

Spades jaw dropped. "Why would you do that"?

Diamonds shrugged innocently. "What"?

"You're encouraging him!"

In every corner of the square pit there was a personal viewing table for each god. In the center, a larger common table shared by them all. From any of these tables each and every gambling action across all of mortal civilization could be viewed and manipulated"and not just humans. Though the humans seemed much more preoccupied with such pastimes than any of the other sentient mortals.

"What is the difference between a poker player and a dog? Anybody? In about ten years the dog quits whining."

"Wow, actually hadn't heard that one," said Hearts as he descended one of the four stairways leading to the room. He had just returned from a routine meeting with the Messengers of The One.

Spades, hunching over the viewing table, muttered without looking away from the screen, "Assignments"?

"Keep out of trouble. That was the gist of it. No assignments." Hearts looked bored. They all looked bored.

Presently Spades sighed. He thought this would be a blast. It was the House of Divine Intervention! He would get to deal with more than just quarks and gluons" more than electrons and probability waves. He was actually affecting the lives of mortals. But it lacked a certain purpose when there were no assignments. They either just let the dice roll or decided the outcomes as they pleased. It was becoming meaningless. He closed his eyes. What purpose is there in the pursuit of pleasure? Do none of them feel it? The longing, that aching emptiness? The longing was turning into frustration, then anger, and then his eyes snapped opened in a determined scowl. "Clubs, you mentioned poker players."

Sensing now that Spades' mood had soured, Clubs was wary. "I did? Oh, the joke. It was nothing."

Hearts and Diamonds exchanged a quick glance in anticipation of an internal assignment from their unofficial but clearly dominant leader. At least most of this stuff required a great deal of skill. Honing those skills kept them going. Affecting the online world of gambling had become fairly easy. That was simply an issue of manipulating electromagnetism. Interrupt the flow of electrons in the right pattern and the humans" random number generators weren't so random anymore. Real life gambling was a completely different story. Sure, they could grasp the core particles of the dice, the cards, the ball, or anything they wanted to move. But that could arouse suspicion. Some humans were trained to be very observant of their physical surroundings, especially those employed by casinos. Besides, it wasn't enough of a challenge. They had tried directly moving the arms and hands of the humans involved, but that meant fighting against their muscles. This was also something they would notice. After a few early attempts, some mortals thought they were going insane. No, they had to delve much deeper into the inner workings of these humans. After all, their bodies were simply biological machines, with a brain as the central computer. But this was a hundred thousand times more difficult to successfully manipulate than a simple random number generator. And that was part of the appeal. Just like online gambling, this was all about electromagnetism, but this time they were interrupting the signals sent from the human brains on their way to the muscles. They would replace this signal with their own, and then send a corresponding signal back to the brain. The humans were completely unaware of the subtle manipulations being acted upon them. And all of this direct muscle manipulation was still within the boundaries of the Mortal Free Will Laws, since it was understood that the humans were choosing on their own to participate in a game of "chance." No one made them throw the dice. And so, through these methods the gods could determine a dice roll, the shuffle of card decks, and even the spin of a roulette wheel with incredible accuracy. What a stimulating challenge real life gambling was. You can imagine their dismay when Spades revealed his assignment.

He tapped the viewscreen and it brought up the image of a very hairy human male sitting at his computer. "I've been watching this professional online poker player""

The moans and groans and rolling eyes were an instant and unanimous reaction from the rest of the group.

"Where"s the fun in that"? complained Clubs.

"Why this guy"? asked Hearts.

Diamonds crossed her arms. "This sounds about as engaging as putting on underwear""

"Oh, shut up! All of you! Is a technical challenge all you seek"?

The look on their faces expressed what Clubs was dumb enough to say out loud. "What else is there"?

Another sigh, then Spades said, "Let me tell you something about this new breed of poker player. They don't overplay their "lucky" hands. They don"t even believe in luck. They have an overdeveloped sense that there is some sort of law of fairness in poker; that the laws of probability will protect them and ensure their financial success. They never go bust, because they always play within the limits of their soft and cushiony bankroll. Many of them don't even succumb to the normal vices that usually plague gambling addicts. Hell, most don"t even like to gamble! It"s not even gambling to them! They think they are in control! They practice healthy lifestyles to better their performance. They quit playing when they get too upset from losses. Some of them even strive towards emotional indifference regarding their wins and losses! They are arrogant, prideful, self-reliant little bastards, and they need to be taught a lesson!"

The other three were taken aback. It was rare for an issue like poker to awaken such wrath within a god. Mortals were usually selected at random and just for fun. Some would run hot. Some would lose it all. There was no sense of justice in the gods" choices. But this was serious.

"I take it we're not blessing this one with an acceleration to nosebleed stakes," said Diamonds with a crooked grin. "How bad do you want the damage"?

Spades shrugged. "That's all up to him. The longer he takes to crack, the longer we will push him. Oh, and I want there to be a 'one-outer', preferably at the highest stakes he will play."

Hearts looked up from the viewscreen with concern. "His file says he's had a couple of those relatively recently. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how rare."

"I don't care!" interrupted Spades. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then looked down at the image of the hairy human. "This is your challenge. You will not bust him. You will not end his poker career. We're just going to toy with him. We will give him small glimpses of hope before pounding him even further into submission. You may erase the last two months worth of his wages. They were sad months anyway. I want to take this calm, collected, complacent, arrogant, hairy monkey of a human, and have him screaming so loudly in frustration by the end that it will scare his cats, his wife, AND his neighbors! He'll be convinced the site is rigged before we are through!"

A mixture of shock and awe invigorated them. Spades had set the mood. They were ready to meddle!

Clubs clapped and rubbed his hands together. "Bring on the coolers, the bad beats, the failed bluffs, and the long, long stretches of completely dead cards!"

Hearts and Clubs moved to their personal viewing tables. Diamonds was still looking at the file. "You know, he's not that bad." She gave Spades a sideways look, nodded thoughtfully. "If I were mortal, I'd do him."
Spades shook his head and suppressed a smile. "Just get to work, quickly, before he wins another pot!"

I wish I could report that things turned around after my last blog entry, but that's not what happened. That $2100+ day I mentioned was the last winning session I'd had until recently. Most of the losses since had been relatively minor...until January 28th...stupid poker gods...

After three more days of relatively minor losses following my last entry I was feeling picked on by the poker gods and generally sick of online poker. When a session would start out bad I'd quit after a couple hours out of frustration. I decided to change things up by putting in some hours at the casino. Jeff was game, so for three days in a row we drove to the Wynn and played all night. Two of the trips were solid eight hour (maybe a little more?) days. We comped our meals and had fun with our opponents. Overall it was a good time even though I ended down a little (Wish I had won that $2000 pot...stupid river). I came back to my computer with renewed enthusiasm. I watched a few CardRunners videos and got my poker logic neurons firing. I was ready to take on my opponents and IGNORE the outcome. I was only going to be concerned with outplaying my opponents and making superior decisions. Immediate results be damned. That will take care of itself eventually. I know this. I don't believe in luck, and variance will not rule my emotions...stupid POKER GODS...

...More to come soon...

...OK, not really. But I hate variance! And I hate big downswings! HATE!

It figures since after my last blog entry focused on things like tilt that I would go on a big downswing. What a test of my reaffirmed tilt control. I was determined to keep my cool, and I must boast that I played better than I ever have under such circumstances. I really didn't miss a beat or get that upset...for the first few sessions anyway.

But by the 4th day of missing every flop and getting bad beat or coolered whenever I did hit, I was ready to punch a hole in the wall...seriously. December wasn't a very good month. Does January have to be bad as well? Then came day number 5. Right at the start it was more of the same. I had recently made a withdrawal and was starting to feel (feel, not think) like one of those superstitious conspiracy theory nuts. "Why do you think you ALWAYS go on a downswing after you withdraw? They don't like you taking money off the site! If you're gonna be taking money out then they will want to get it into the hands of someone who will leave it online. Besides, it's not good for them if all the fish go broke. If the sharks eat them alive too fast then the site doesn't make as much in rake!...." Yeah...that's only a small sample. There's lots of crazy ideas out there.

So Jason messaged me while I was playing about his upcoming visit to Vegas. I was right in the middle of losing session number 5 and didn't hesitate to whine. He said I should blog about it. ;-p I decided that was fine. I didn't have to come up with something that interesting or teach a lesson or something. I could just...BITCH! I'd hate to be one of those people who has to tell everyone about every bad beat they take....but this....COME ON! This was SICK! As if things weren't already bad enough, I sit the 5/10 NL ($1000 max) and almost immediately lose a whole stack when I flop a set of 7s...middle set...the second nuts...the other guy had top set of course. No one outer for me. But this downswing wasn't all bad beats and coolers. It seemed nothing would go right. If I made a big bluff that would often be good given the action, it would just so happen that my opponent had flopped an unlikely full house or something of that nature! A full list of hands would be long and boring, but you get the idea.

Then...like manna from heaven...a little justice. I caught the stacks of a couple people on tilt, made a couple of hero calls, and pulled off a few well timed bluffs. Next thing I knew I was up over $2100 for the session. This by no means makes up for the downswing, but it's a good start. And it did a good job of easing the wall-punching mood, as you might expect. This is why I have a bankroll. I can honestly say this crazy swing could have gone on for much, much longer before I would have to think about maybe dropping down in stakes. But regardless of my safety net....IT STILL SUCKS.

When times are bad it's good to have another poker player to talk to who's been there. And my friend Jeff has definitely been there. He lives just across the apartment complex from me and my wife, and shared the moving van with us when we made the trek to Vegas. He's had some runs that would make anyone sick. At least I know I'm not alone. He's actually the one that got me into poker in the first place back when we were playing weekly at Jason's house in Vancouver, WA. Make sure to check out his blog. It's bound to be insightful and amusing. (no pressure ;-p)

Saving chips is the same as earning them. Making a good fold is just as important as making a good call. That's been the center of my focus when I start to get upset. I need to be happy with losing the minimum. As I mentioned many times last entry, it's all about the long run. But it's not simply a matter of waiting for my OWN top set vs someone's middle set. It's about making the most of every opportunity, even if the only opportunities presented this session amount to just losing as little as possible. If I'm paying attention I see that's something most of my opponents are not doing well. And that means cash in my pocket...eventually.

First off, I would like to say that I think it's a shame the San Francisco Poker Meet-up Group was targeted by the police. What a waste of time and money. Aren't there any REAL gambling rings to break up? Here's a link to a thread on the 2+2 forums about it.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthread.php?t=103873

Anyways,

The human brain is very good at picking out patterns and adjusting to them. "TOO" good in fact. I hear it all the time. People will make comments about how the cards are running and in turn make bad decisions based on small sample sizes . To compound matters they even have selective memory within that small sample. These decisions often border the line of superstitious. People who are normally smart, rational, and not apparently superstitious will often go to great lengths to justify their illogical actions at the poker table. It's amazing. Then you throw emotions into the mix and a genius IQ can become a chip spewing fish.

But not me...right? That's something that donkeys do.

WRONG.

We all do it. Even the most seasoned pro is sometimes off their A game. There are many manifestations. Someone who's running bad might become weak-tight and make unnecessarily large bets and raises with their made hands because they "always get sucked out on." They never bluff, and they miss the chance to value bet a marginal hand that's likely to be good. They just check it down instead. Other times someone will feel the need to "play the rush" and take chances they wouldn't normally because they've been running like a god. And some go on monkey tilt because "the worst hand always wins anyway." Now all this is a mix of incomplete information and emotion combining in ways that are often very subtle. It's not usually as neat and obvious as the examples I gave. But it's always there, that "primal common sense," incapable of understanding the counterintuitive nature of chance and probability. And it's always ready and waiting to rob you of your calculating and dispassionate intellect.

Well, I've all but rid myself of superstitious reasoning. I will sometimes make an observation out of frustration that implies the odds are unfairly stacked against me, but no part of me actually believes it. It's just an outburst. Because of the time I've put into taming that "primal common sense" and the hundreds of thousands (if not over a million) hands of poker I've played, I have a very strong faith in the long run. It's simply a law of the universe. Don't misunderstand me. You might win millions in a multi-table tournament and still be a donk (Jamie Gold). But continue playing without the skills and you will lose it back (again, Jamie Gold :p ). All you have to do is compare the Poker Tracker results of several online pros who've played a million hands to see how the laws of math treat everyone fairly. There's no way Jamie Gold could have made the same amount of money grinding out cash games on the internet.

So what about tilt? What about emotional control? Well, there I'm in dire need of improvement. I've told myself this before and have attempted to work on it, but today it became perfectly clear that it's a more serious issue than I thought. Let me clarify that tilt doesn't always mean donking off whole buy-ins because you're too pissed to care. It can creep in without you realizing it and hurt your cognitive processes just enough to drop your win rate considerably.

It was after 9pm and I only had about two and a half hours before tables would start dying. I decided to put in a short session. I felt focused and ready to kick some donkey ass. (lol!...an accidental pun) My recently purchased burrito bol from Chipotle was steaming on the desk next to my keyboard. WOO! Bring it on! Before long I was sitting 5 tables. Two 3/6 NL ($600 max) and three 2/4 NL ($400 max) tables. Most were 6 player maximum tables, so the short handed play was generating the usual and necessary increased action relative to full ring play. Chips were flying; I was being aggressive and making good decisions. Within an hour I was up over $1400. Not uncommon at all for these stakes. One of my 2/4 NL tables died. I remained sitting alone in case someone wanted to play heads-up and hopefully fill the table up again. Then a short while later a guy sits with $135.85. Well, when someone sits with such an odd amount it almost always means two things. One, that amount is their entire account balance. And two, they are a donkey. Within just a few minutes of play the latter assumption was confirmed. It wasn't long before he was all in and flipping a coin for the rest of his money. He won the flip. Then everything went to poker hell. He was playing every hand and being very aggressive. He doubled again when I flopped two pair and he flopped better. I was annoyed but still focused. But the BS just got worse. Pretty soon he had turned that $135.85 into $1500. ALL FROM ME. Again, these kind of swings are normal, and if I had lost the money throughout all my tables I would have been annoyed but still on the ball. But to lose it to this donkey who was calling every reraise, making wild bluffs and getting lucky just sent me over the edge. It felt scripted and rigged. Heads-up play is very fast and high variance. I almost never get this tilted unless I'm playing heads-up.The table eventually filled up again. Mr. Donkey lost back down to $1000 when he was caught bluffing by one of the new comers, and he immediately left the table. My glorious plans for revenge were lost. After the heads-up trauma had lost me back to even I managed to win back about $700 on various tables before I quit for the night. But I was still annoyed, distracted, and hating poker. I knew I had missed opportunities and hadn't made full use of the information available to me during that session. And not just at the heads-up table, but at every other table as well. That's partially the reason I decided to quit. Who wins $700 and is too annoyed to play poker? Me I guess. I came to my senses and felt like an idiot for getting so wound up over this stupid donkey. I know this can happen. I'd seen this before. One time I had worked a 3/6 NL table up to 3k. Then some crazy maniac sat to play me heads up and within 25 minutes I was felted. $3000 worth of bad beats and coolers in 25 minutes at a $600 max buy in table. INSANITY! How is it possible? What are the odds? ....but remember the long run. I continue to win despite crazy variance and insane maniacs. It shouldn't bother me so much. But it does.

Solutions? Well, I can work more on my emotional control. I can glance at my average hourly rate and remember the good days. I could learn to meditate and become a cold, emotionless poker machine before each session. But I'm not a Vulcan. Those ideas sound nice, and maybe they would help. But they are a small comfort when the donkey is wasting you for hundreds of big blinds. Honestly, if I can't calm down then the best thing to do is quit playing. Just quit. When you are losing not only do you play worse, but often your opponents will play better. Your bad run of cards gives you a bad image at the table and makes it much harder for you to bluff. It can also make it easier for your opponents to run over you. And those negative image dynamics exist no matter how well you continue to play. Even a world class player like Phil Ivey is known to quit when he is running bad. You've got to push every edge you have to maximize your wins in poker. Sometimes the best edge to push is quitting for a while. If I can apply this then I will be even more of a force to fear at the tables. Besides, what's the sense in prematurely generating gray hairs over some fish who's about to bust his account? ;)

Being the relatively lazy bum that I am, I've found it difficult to consistently put in a number of hours weekly that will satisfy my need for accomplishment. It bothers me to look back at the year and see that I've averaged only slightly more than 20 hours a week. Some of this was due in part to last year's legislation (UIGEA) passed in October '06 that scared a number of the poker sites into leaving the US market. But mostly it's just my laziness.

For several months I was playing exclusively on one small site where I received 100%+ rakeback. I lost the other, slightly more populated site I had a similar deal on when they decided in January to bow to the impending US regulations in an attempt to remain as legitimate as possible. I could have made an effort to get some money elsewhere, but the hassle of moving money around post UIGEA kept me from making that effort. Besides, I was crushing the game on the one small site and making plenty of money. Who cares if there were only enough tables to play during peak hours? And, according to people posting on the twoplustwo poker forums, most online "grinders" don't average more than 20 something hours a week. These are the things I told myself, anyway. It didn't stop the nagging feeling that I could and SHOULD be climbing the ladder more quickly.

Now, to my credit, this average does not include B&M play, but that would probably only add about 4 hours a week. I'm sure many of you guys working your asses off out there think I'm just a ridiculous wuss. "You make HOW MUCH per hour?! I would be working 80 hours a week!" Well, there is the very important issue of playing my A game. There's no way I can play that many hours in a week and be playing my A-B game the whole time. So, my hourly rate would drop considerably. I'd also hate life if I was working that much.

I make more than enough to pay my bills with my current lifestyle playing only 20 hours a week; so the only thing gained by working more is (more quickly) increasing my bankroll and being able to invest money in other things. This would of course lead to a higher hourly rate. Since I have a fairly lofty bankroll goal (100-200k), investment savings will probably not happen until I reach that point in a year or more. So right now it's just the bankroll I'm looking at to drive me. Aside from mad skills, a lot of patience, and emotional control, a bankroll is the most defining feature of a professional poker player. Assuming I'm skilled enough, it dictates how high of stakes I can play. And I never play beyond my roll. I've seen plenty of high stakes games (10-20 No Limit and up/$2000 buy-in+) in Vegas that are well within my ability to beat, but are currently beyond my bankroll requirements of 40 buy-ins (100 big blind buy-ins). These B&M games are MUCH softer on average than the high stakes games online...I should get myself in a position where I can sit them whenever they look good ASAP.

So, now that I've whined about not controlling my own lazy self, what can I do about it? And what number of working hours per week will keep the nagging guilt away? I decided at the beginning of November that 30 hours a week was reasonable. Go ahead and laugh. I'm not embarrassed. It became clear, after some experimenting, that 30 hours was the most I could consistently work in a week and still be playing my best or near my best. Efficiency is important to me. So in November I got on the ball and averaged 30 hours a week. It was great. I felt better about myself and also had my best money making month to date. To motivate myself I set an end of year bankroll goal. Alas, I'm not going to reach it due to the fact that I've hardly played in December what with flying home for the holidays and all, but if it had been any other time of year I'm almost certain I would have reached it.

When is a better time to set new goals than the new year? Goals are important when you are self employed. No one is looking over your shoulder making sure you do a good job. It's all up to you. Setting bankroll goals and weekly hourly minimums keeps me going. I'm also working towards eating better and exercising more. I think that can have a HUGE impact on anyones game. We need healthy bodies and brains for this game. It requires a ton of mental focus to succeed at higher stakes. The players just get better and better as you move up. And I'm itching to beat them.

This is just a test. I have alot I want to put into my bio and my first real entry. But I'll type a little something just in case someone actually reads it. ;)

I play poker for a living. I went part time two years ago to see how it would go. 6 months into that it was an obvious waste of time to continue supervising a small cookie factory for a living. I was making more than 3 times the cookie hourly rate playing poker online. So, in June of 2006 I quit my real job, and, as they say, never looked back.

I have since been focused on getting better at the game and building my bankroll. In reality I'm not very well rounded since I play almost exclusively No Limit Hold 'em cash games. But I've become quite good at this ever popular version of poker. It's where the money is at since so many new comers want to play the game they saw on TV.

As I mentioned, I earn my living almost exclusively online. The rake is lower than B&M (brick and mortar) casinos, I can get "rakeback," play multiple tables, and sit in my underwear if I want to. But despite the obvious perks and money making advantages, I still enjoy playing live. Online is like going to work; live is still kind of like a special treat. Plus there is the addition of live "tells" and the ability to focus all of your attention on one table, just one hand at a time. You can't improve your game very easily when you are grinding it out on 6-8 tables at once. Live play gives you the opportunity to focus on the subtleties of the game. And I love the subtleties.

So, it occurred to me sometime in the spring of '07, "why not move to Vegas?" I've lived in the Pacific North West my whole life. Time for something different. My wife was ok with it as long as she could fly back to Portland/Vancouver 4-6 times a year. That was fine with me. We don't have kids. Why not? So here we are. We've only been here since early August and we've already had tons of visitors. It gives people an excuse to come to you when you live in a go to place like Vegas.

So, anyways, that's a bit of recent history. Later on I wanna talk about how I got into poker in the first place and what the journey was like going from a total newb delaying the game at Jason's house, to shoving thousands of dollars around like it's no big deal...and still managing to come out on top over the long haul. I'll also be making new entries once or twice a week discussing what's happening with me in poker. I'll be sharing poker hands, and talking about current happenings in the poker world. I look forward to answering any comments or questions some of you may have. Even if it's just to tell me why I played a hand like a donkey. ;)